You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
