Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
