dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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