Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
