I cockslap morals
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
