I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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