haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
