We won't sleep together?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
