Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
