Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
