She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
