And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
