i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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