just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
