So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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