i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The best revenge is premature balding
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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