I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
