"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
