she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
