i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
