I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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