Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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