Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
