if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
