wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
