accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
