best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
