I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize