a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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