Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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