my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
