If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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