She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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