I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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