My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
