Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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