why didn't you poke me back
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
40s are totally the cure
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
