I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
