And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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