I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
