physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
