i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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