I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
