I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
