Cold hands, warm shart.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
