i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
love makes seman taste better
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
