Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize