i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
