you would pick up someone in the library
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize