It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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