it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
