I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
