are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The air was thick with penises
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize