I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
