We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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