Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
