im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize