you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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