Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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