Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
