I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
