thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize