i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
