There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
