I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
