I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
