Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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