I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
