I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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