i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
