We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize