who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
