Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
