me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
