Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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