love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize