It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
