Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
