bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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