im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
