so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
