But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
