Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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