Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
