you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
