he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
