I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
