I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
