No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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