So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
