haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
