let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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