Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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