i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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