He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
