there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
