You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize