It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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