i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
