I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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